If you wish to go to the current Fangoria site, you may click the top logo, "Home" or "News" links. Or click here.
Being dead used to be a bad thing, but visionaries have been
warning us for decades that we are leaning toward the non-living role model. Of
course, everybody wants to be a vampire—it’s great to be undead, look pretty,
dress sharp and smell good. We’ll gladly give up our soul, but never our
vanity. Being an oozing, groaning, stinking zombie isn’t very glamorous; still,
what a massive head rush it must be! Exhilarating, powerful and, yes, cool.
That’s what THE BRAIN EATER’S BIBLE (Mythodrome) by J.D. McGhoul with Pat
Kilbane (pictured) has to offer.
Finally a practical guide for those who won’t go down easy,
THE BRAIN EATER’S BIBLE is graphic, gruesome and hilarious. If you missed out
on turning into a sparkly immortal and instead face the awkward and painful
transformation to ghoul, rise up! Don’t whine about your nasty flesh decay,
stumbling awkwardly forward into your enemy’s fire...embrace your tenacious new
self, learn to survive and learn to conquer! Build your armies around you. Eat
brains till you puke! Remember, however it goes down, humans brought Armageddon
on themselves. The idiots deserve what they get.
J.D. McGhoul’s story is gripping, and his candid personal
logs separate the instructive sections of his comprehensive survival guide for
smart, fast, zombies. Waking from a terrible nightmare, he breaks
uncontrollably into a murderous rampage, cannibalizing his victims, devouring
their brains. He’s aghast at his behavior, until he realizes his incredible
euphoria and just how yummy brains really are. Like the human he once was,
McGhoul accepts himself unconditionally, justifies his actions, claims
supremacy and psyches up for world domination.
Everyone needs to read this manual before the apocalypse. It
details the body’s reaction to the lab-spawned PACE virus, which de-humanizes
one very quickly, creating the slow moving, moronic, zombie of old. It’s
imperative to contract the virus properly, to find one of McGhoul’s elite,
intelligent ranks, and thus be “turned” rather than carelessly infected.
Successful transformation allows one to retain their intellect and become a
lean, stealthy, pack leader, celebrating the ominous beast within.
Once you’ve been initiated, McGhoul illustrates your brand
new physiology, and reviews human anatomy. Practice the best ways into the
fragile cranial cavity without bruising the sweet meat inside; get to the prize
quickly before your own diseased spittle can spoil it. Learn your defensive
strategies, weapons and armor; helmets are imperative, and it’s about time
someone said so. McGhoul cleverly suggests screwing the headgear right into
your skull so it stays tight in battle, and suggests modifications that allow
maximum biting, the zombie’s most effective weapon.
The willful domination of mankind requires broad tactical
knowledge, which McGhoul and his expert associates, experienced warriors and
strategists have compiled and photo-illustrated; the pictures are simply
disgusting. Guerilla subterfuge, weaponry, psychological warfare...the
subjugation of “freshies” is McGhoul’s ultimate goal; brains are the shiny
spoils. You’ll learn to manipulate the unfortunate hordes of slow movers to
produce distraction and melee, enabling a satisfying massacre and the well-earned,
You, intelligent brain sucker, must build an army to wage
your war, and you’ll need others like you to lead the slow minions. Read
“Chapter 6: Infecting Others” very closely. The meticulous surgical techniques
are difficult with your clumsy, decrepit fingers. Your progeny will become
independent assassins, cracking skulls, biting off fingers, demoralizing
humanity and, hopefully, one day spawning another quick thinker. You’ll be so
You might naively plan to survive the zombie apocalypse in
human form, holing up somewhere eating Twinkies until the French government
cleans up the whole gruesome mess. Read the manual anyway. Like Sun Tzu’s THE
ART OF WAR, the practical philosophies, social commentary and survival tips in THE
BRAIN EATER’S BIBLE are indispensable, and it’s genuinely engaging. You’ll beg
sensei McGhoul to educate you further, show you more pictures and lead you
forward to a higher plane.
But not all of us have time to leisurely prepare for our
role in Armaggeddon, unfortunately, and zombies must travel light. Thus, the
iPad—that’s where the BRAIN EATER’S BIBLE app comes in. Created in absolute
gory realism by FX artist Dean C. Jones (the DAY OF THE DEAD and TOOLBOX
MURDERS remakes), the app, which you can check out here, is your interactive field guide. One can
scroll through crucial fighting modes, quickly access animated ambush tactics
and refer to hundreds of illustrations. The newbie will find inexhaustible
advice and comfort in McGhoul’s journal entries, among tons of other valuable
information from a consortium of real-world, indisputable zombie experts and
consultants, savvy militarists, scientists and other professional
McGhoul has co-authored this amazing resource with the help
of zombie insider Pat Kilbane, who, before marshaling the legion of the undead
contingent, spent three years on MADtv. His most invaluable experience,
however, was playing a scientist who becomes a zombie in Steve Miner’s 2008 remake
of George A. Romero’s DAY OF THE DEAD. “I loved picturing the world through
cloudy, undead eyes,” he says. Kilbane’s vision is now perfectly clear: “Eating
brains is an orgasmic experience... One mouthful of lumpy cerebrum makes you
feel immediately justified. The sense of wholeness and empowerment it gives you
is like nothing else. If the freshies had any idea how incredible it feels,
they would willingly join the ranks of the infected.”
Comforting food for thought as we begin to choose sides...
JOIN OUR COMMUNITY AND BE THE FIRST TO KNOW ABOUT NEWS, CONTESTS, EVENTS AND MORE!
All contents © 2011 Fangoria Entertainment