Film adaptations of Shakespeare’s works are certainly nothing new, nor is the concept of placing the Bard’s characters and scenarios in modern or outlandish settings. However, it’s rare to find his literary stalwarts both dwelling in the present and as creatures of the night, which is the entire basis for ROSENCRANTZ & GUILDENSTERN ARE UNDEAD, which begins its limited theatrical release today from Indican Pictures.

If you’ve seen Jaume Balagueró and Paco Plaza’s [REC], you no doubt remember “the Medeiros girl.” (And if you haven’t seen it, stop reading, run out and get a copy of the movie and watch it, preferably with a strong sound system and all the lights out.)

Some of the promotional materials for SPLICE have been selling it as a sex-monster romp in the SPECIES vein, and that does the movie a disservice. Director/co-writer Vincenzo Natali aims for something more ambitious here, a variation on the FRANKENSTEIN theme—he has even named his scientist protagonists Clive and Elsa.

Alice Cooper and Rob Zombie seem like they could be family: two generations of macabre musical showmen with a fondness for heavy riffs and theatrical bombast. Cooper has even gone so far as to call Zombie his “grandson” in interviews, although the latter’s brand of fun B-movie bluster has never really lashed concerned parents into a froth of moral outrage the way Cooper’s subversive act and lyrics did during his heyday.

“Don’t make it look like PULSE” was the mission statement behind SOMEONE’S KNOCKING AT THE DOOR, according to actor/producer Noah Segan on Vicious Circle’s new DVD. And they certainly succeeded at that; KNOCKING has nothing in common with either Kiyoshi Kurosawa’s brooding supernatural drama or the terrible U.S. remake, though it does echo certain recent, more outrageous J-horror entries in its scenes of grotesquely distended genitalia.

The first thing you need to know about CORNERED! is that Steve Guttenberg is in it. Good or bad, original or bland, funny or not—that’ll sort itself out later, but since you probably haven’t seen the Goot in anything in a long time, and now his curly head of hair is back in this horror/comedy, you’ll probably want to see it…at least, that was my thought process when presented with Phase 4’s new DVD.

I guess ANIMALS did have an effect on me. Not a positive one—but, as with the movie’s protagonist, it brought out the animal within me. In my case, though, I didn’t transform into a powerful, emboldened, fearless wolf creature. Rather, I metamorphosed into a venomous snake—which should explain the forthcoming virulent criticism of this woefully regrettable film, which is best described as 9 1/2 WEEKS meets THE WOLF MAN. Oh, and if you don’t want to read a detailed breakdown of Marc Blucas’ buttocks, then proceed no further…