In Bram Stoker’s iconic 1897 novel DRACULA, there is roughly a chapter and a half devoted to the mysterious events that took place on board the Russian ship the Demeter. Having sailed from Varna, Bulgaria to the shores of Whitby, England during a violent storm, the schooner is discovered with no crew in sight and the captain’s carcass tied to the ship’s helm.

At one point in BITTEN (coming on no-frills DVD from Vivendi July 6), a new vampire film starring Jason Mewes, the sexy Danika (a gorgeous Erica Cox) says with full conviction, “It’s like I want to f**k you and eat you at the same time.” Now I want you to take a good, long look at this quote and ask yourself one question—was this meant to be funny, or is it just bad writing?

It has been roughly six weeks since Valve Software released the first DLC for the Xbox 360/Windows PC’s LEFT 4 DEAD 2 (titled THE PASSING), giving players a chance to experience the “Weekly Mutations.” These are a new flavor of on-line game play added every Friday, and only available for a week at a time. The have proven pretty popular at the outset and provided great potential for replay value down the road, so I thought I’d share my thoughts about what has been put on the table to date.

Ever gone to a live event like the circus, a donkey show in Tijuana or Carrot Top? You might walk away a pretty happy customer for the ticket price, possibly recounting the events to your friends—“I can’t believe he was wearing a Hillary Clinton mask while riding that bearded lady!” (applies to all three)—and coercing them to see it in the future. Then down the road, you hit up the same venue hoping to recapture the magic, only to find that it’s still the same show, regardless of what subtle changes were added—“Instead of a Hillary mask, it was an iPod costume…I didn’t get it.” The friend may enjoy, they may not, but you feel cheated, even though the profiteering entertainer never intended to change up their act. Welcome to DEAD TO RIGHTS: RETRIBUTION.

A title like SWEATSHOP might call to mind images of grave social injustices around the world, but I assure you, this movie does not portray what its name directly implies. What you’ll find instead is something so horrible, so offensive, it will make Nike’s worst crimes seem innocent. This, my friends, is the brutal murder of raver kids.

THE X FILES/30 DAYS OF NIGHT is a topnotch crossover event between two popular franchises this writer never would have thought possible. This is a stylish showdown between the two iconic paranormal investigators from the modern-classic TV sseries and the parasitic vampires of Steve Niles and Ben Templesmith’s creation.

ZOMBIE ZOOLOGY, a recent addition to Severed Press’ canon of undead horror fiction, offers up something fairly novel for fans of the ever-more-crowded subgenre. Quite simply, each short story in this anthology deals with the notion of zombie animals.