With a built in, rabid fan base who continue to consume anything that promises fake blood and some cleavage, for independent filmmakers, horror movies are a no-brainer. The fact that first-time directors often cut their teeth replicating formulaic horror films, where graphic violence can often overshadow a poorly-written script, makes sense. Take the insufferable ZOMBIE ED, for example...

For the ambitious, creating a zombie film is somewhat more difficult than average no-budget genre fare considering the make-up involved, but these days there are enough tutorials on the internet that show even the most artistically challenged how to create believable zombies with materials purchased at Party City. But since ZOMBIE ED is a comedy and not a gorefest, writer/director Ren Blood went a different, deciding to toss some powder and black eye shadow on the cast’s faces instead of filling his film with rotting corpses. Perhaps he felt the poor makeup added to the comedy. Perhaps he was lazy. Either way, ZOMBIE ED looks like something a high school kid would throw together at the last minute for a class project. In horror, make-up is everything, but in a comedy there’s some slack to be cut (but keep in mind that even films like SHAUN OF THE DEAD and DANCE OF THE DEAD had stellar make-up). Now, Mr. Blood surely didn’t have a fraction of the budget that those films had, but lack of money is no excuse for a lack of creativity.

In ZOMBIE ED, the protagonist (named Zombie Ed), wakes up one day as a zombie. He’s able to walk and talk (or mumble and groan), and morphs from being a stoner loser, to a zombie rights activist/pop culture icon, stoner loser. Hi-jinks ensue, followed by a litany of nonsensical situations involving clichéd characters, arguments about kelp and poor attempts at satire.

Once again, ZOMBIE ED is a comedy, which implies that this film is funny. It’s not. Not even close, and every attempt at being clever and humorous is dreadfully annoying. Every scene drags on too long, and the as a whole it plays like a collection of unintelligent monologues. Funny and witty dialogue is possibly the hardest thing to write, but that’s no excuse. Everything about ZOMBIE ED falls flat, and unless your name is listed in the end credits you won’t find anything even slightly amusing about it.

With a running time of over a hundred minutes, ZOMBIE ED also refuses to end. This film would be irritating even as a YouTube short, but at a hour and a half plus, it’s downright excruciating. Even colon-draining Saturday Night Live movies like CONEHEADS had enough laugh-inducing content to at least fill a trailer, but there is nothing redeeming or even passable about this film. From start to finish ZOMBIE ED is one epic fail.

This DVD comes without bonus features, so anyone hoping for behind-the-scenes banter or revealing cast interviews is out of luck. A commentary track would’ve been interesting, (this writer would love to have known how much effort was put into this masterpiece) although listening to anyone involved with this film pat themselves on the back would be unbearable even to the most masochistic.

For more info go to www.zombieEdthemovie.com.

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